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Saturday, June 25, 2011

another poem...

I realized that my posts have become nothing but poetry. I will try to get some photography in there some time.

Give me give me something more
Than this little cold stone floor.
'Cause I am waiting for the day
when I'm free, I'll laugh and play.
But for now I'm stuck inside,
inside this hole I'll sit and hide.
Waiting for you to find me.
To look inside and finally see
and finally, finally set me free.


  1. I like the repetitions of "give me," "inside" and "finally." It gives the poem a certain lilt, especially when I'm reading it as a whole, not line by line. Initially I was confused by the punctuation, but upon reading a few more times I see that line four, for example, could be either a sentence all by itself "When I'm free I'll laugh and play." Or "when I'm free" could be attached to line three and "I'll laugh and play" would then be a sentence unto itself. Same thing with lines six and five. The punctuation still doesn't make sense to me, but it's hard to express the ambiguity of the sentence structure unless you leave it out altogether (which is maybe a thought.)

  2. Wow. I'm surprised you go through the trouble of actually studying my poems. I'm flattered by it. Thanks.
    I also lik the repetitions of those three words, which is why it's written that way of course! :)
    The puncuation is, as you said, In lines three ad four, line fourA could be attached ot line three, or it could be part of line fourB, without the comma. Actually, I'm not entirely sure why I put that comma at the end of line five. The puncuation I put in this poem is just because I felt it should go there.